Solution (s): I've found (and learned through education classes) that 2 year old (and older) NEED choices. Around age 2 they start an internal war with themselves, which manifests it's self as an external war with parents/caregivers, over dependency. They want to be both dependent, and independent. They'll go through stages of "babyness" where they're clingy and want their parent to do everything for them, much like a baby. And they'll go through stages where they're all about "I do it". How do you balance it as a parent and help you're child find a suitable balance? Give them choices. Two choices to be exact. Too many choices will overwhelm a child. Here's how I do it.. and as always, consistency is key.
I give Killian 2 choices, one on each hand. I always warn him, "you're choices are coming, so listen up". Then I point to one open palm and tell him a choice he has. Let's use the example of "Keep playing in the bathtub, but then no Cailou before bed". Then I point to my other palm and tell him the second choice. Ex: "Clean up your toys and get out of the bathtub now, and you can wach a Cailou episode before bed." Usually he doesn't like either choice, as he'd like to keep playing AND watch a Cailou episode. If he complains and tells me "No, I keep playing AND watch a Cailou" (which often happens), I calmly tell him that I'm sorry but that's not a choice he has. He'll cry/whimper/scream, and I'll tell him calmly that I'm going to count to 10. If he doesn't make a decision by then, I will make the choice for him. (Oh, during this I keep my palms up for him, and sometimes remind him of the choices). I start counting, and before I get to 10, he's high-fived one of the hands/choices and is fine. Of course, doing this means that the first couple of times you HAVE to follow-through. If your child doesn't stop complaining/screaming by the end of 10 and doesn't chose, then you HAVE to make a choice and then MAKE the child follow through with that choice. Killian knows that I ALWAYS follow-through, and so he knows if I get to 10 I will make the choice. So, he normally stops complaining by 5, makes a choice, and then follows through with his choice.
Another problem I've been having with this little one is not listening/doing the things I ask him to do. I expect Killian to help me out around the house. Usually small things like get his Pjs, or throw something away for me. Lately, he's been dawdling, or simply ignoring what I ask him to do. So, I decided to start a new rule in our house. Here it is: "If you do not listen to me the FIRST time I ask you to do something, I will start counting. I will stop counting when you do what I've asked. However much of MY time you waste by not listening, is the amount of YOUR playtime that I will take." This took about 3 times before Killian learned exactly what would happen. I tell him: "I'm counting" and I start counting the seconds of time that he wastes. Then, after he finally does what I ask, I tell him that it took him _____ seconds, and he now needs to sit in that long of a time-out. OH he does NOT like that. But it's effective. It's logical. It's simple. Like I said, the first couple of times he sat in 60-90 second time outs because he didn't think I'd follow-through and still took his own sweet time (sometimes he'd sit in the living room turning in circles just to avoid getting me something). But now, I tell him I'm counting and he normally gets up and goes. I've found this SO much more peaceful than getting frustrated with him after I've asked him 5 times to do something.
So there they are, my solutions for the terrible 2s!! Hope they work for anyone who uses them :)
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